The end of another day
Time to move on
Tomorrow will be brighter
With the breaking of a new dawn
Nights seem darker somehow …
Daylight will beckon,
Chase away the darkness
and the cobwebs
in my mind …
Wishing for one more look at you
I feel you around me sometimes and think about the
Dreams we had that should have come true …
Five years since they told me
your gentle spirit was no more
The flame burnt out —
No more whispers in the middle
of the night
telling me you loved me
No more smiles that started
in your eyes
and touched my very soul..
Craig ~ I love you always ~ our love has withstood death
That’s the thought I am pondering for the day, people make me wonder. Yes, they surely do and I am starting to question this world around me even more. Being a person who tries to look for and at the best in people, against all odds sometimes. Well, my spirit is now starting to not respond the way it used to, I am feeling a bit troubled. I am the type of person who would never hurt anyone on purpose, thoughtful to a maybe ridicoulous extreme.
What has now dampenend my spirit, the demented actions of others. Why was I a target, I am kind and try to be cheerful to all I encounter, while minding my own business. I had an angel statue setting outside my door for quite a few years now. It was comforting and I liked it sitting there, it was my special angel. Well, imagine my surprise when opening my front door today and there’s the angel trashed and in pieces. Who would do such a thing, why this destruction? My neighbors and I get along, or so I thought and this has left me just a bit shaken. Nothing else was touched, just the angel statue.
That is just something that crushed me to the core of my being, it made me cry. Not for the money involved in the cost of this beautiful statue, but for the invasive feelings that now haunt me. Is nothing sacred, I live in a small neighborhood and who could have done such an unspeakable act? Someone who hates angels, hates me or perhaps just a very unhappy and troubled person?
I don’t like the word hate, I rarely use the word. Of course the police being called, what can they do? They offer their sympathy and regrets, also knowing I am a person of peace. They will keep their eye on the small neighborhood, maybe ask some questions. It is a surprise to everyone that knows me…Why, Who and How did this happen? There has been a stir of problems between neighbors about Halloween decorations, but I wasn’t involved in any of this. I just honestly try to be at peace with all of those around me, some minor vandalism has gone on with pumpkins and decorations being trashed at some other houses. But why my angel? I used to feel at ease living here, it is a very small town, nothing that bad or evil ever happens. Oh my goodness, doesn’t that sound so cliche?
Nothing bad ever happens here, well looks like times are a changing. It just has left me needing to find some realm of peace back within myself. An alarm system perhaps, I have one on my car but only because it came that way. I feel as if I have lost something so precious, not the angel as such…Although I do think someone was quite troubled to do such a thing
. I would love to hear what others have to say about this, will anyone comment to this post? I would only like to hear some opinions and thoughts, what does anyone by chance reading this think? I know one thing, I will now be more watchful, does that mean I should stop trusting also?
I really do forgive whoever did such an unspeakable act…It helps, forgiveness sets me free. But how do I stop the hurt and these new questions lurking in the back of my mind? All I know is, I feel violated now and just not quite as settled anymore. Yes indeed, people really do make me wonder…
Anyone have any thoughts on this? I would sure appreciate them. Thank you so very much to anyone who took the time to read this.
I paid the cost
but you are the one
I don’t like you
much at all
I made the call
I gave up
finally on the madness
so like the rain
it’s really did end
and now I send
a message of hope,
to those that never tried
and only cried…
walk away fast
and never, ever look back…..
This one is a passing thought that popped into my head while working in my own kitchen. Making a couple loaves of zucchini bread, something I do for relaxation is cooking and baking. Usually to share with family and friends or even to freeze, but I do love to putter in the kitchen.
Anyway, as often happens I get these random thoughts and this brought me memories of a bake sale. I was laughing to myself just thinking about this one. And it wasn’t just any bake sale, I need to say. This was one when Autumn and I got to help our Mom at at a church bake sale. It was being held in the church basement, which was a good spot . Come rain or shine, the bake sale would go on.
We were about 6 years old and Mom (for whatever crazy reason) let herself be talked into the twinnies helping her out. It was going to be an all day long bake sale, so some of the ladies were taking turns. After all, it was only one short hour and what could possibly go wrong? 😉
OK, sometimes Autumn and I could be a handful but lots of time we were quite well behaved. Poor Mom, she thought this was going to be one of the well behaved times. We tried and it all started out so well…It really, really did. The first 45 minutes was great fun, busy helping Mom and chatting with all and any who stopped by.
We twinnies were far from shy, we enjoyed chatting to people from an early age. So, we were an asset of sorts to our Mom. Autumn and I were happy to talk everyone into buying something, after all it was for a good cause. 🙂
Mom was pretty calm, things had been gliding right along and going quite smoothly. Selling cookies, cupcakes, brownies, doughnuts and all that good stuff.
Everything was prewrapped for many reasons, so far Autumn and I hadn’t been tempted to tamper with or open anything. Well, that all went out the window when one of our favorite people stopped by…our Grandpa! Well, Grandpa was all smiles and greeted us with hugs and kisses. Our Grandma was off in the church kitchen chatting to some of her friends and helping out behind the scene, so to speak. Later Mom would reflect on that, why didn’t she herself stay in the kitchen? Autumn and I were so thrilled to have Grandpa as a customer, he was scooping up a few things that he was going to buy and getting ready to pay Mom.
He was catching on to the fact we twinnies were getting ready to act up. Oops, too late Autumn had torn open a nicely sealed bag of cookies! Each of us twinnies quickly had a cookie in our hand and trying to offer Grandpa a bite. I was getting huffy at Autumn because she had gotten to him first, so I started to howl. Before everyone knew it we twinnies had gotten quite loud and things turned ugly.
Poor Grandpa, poor Mom…They each grabbed up a twinnie. The half dozen cookies in a bag had gotten stomped on (by mistake) and we had created a small mess. Not to mention caused a small ruckus…In swooped Mrs L. to the rescue. She took over for Mom and another few ladies came to help tidy our mess. Those ladies were so fast, my could they all move quickly! Autumn and I were quickly helped into our coats and told to give Grandpa hugs and off to the car we went.
As usual a lecture and quite the talking to we got on our 5 minute ride home. Autumn and I very subdued and quiet as we walked with Mom to the door of our house. We were in trouble again, when we were really trying to be good, too. 😦 Dad greeted us with a big smile asking, “How was the bake sale girls?” We never got to answer, Mom sent us to our room! 😦
The brightness of the sun
the wind blowing across my face
feeling so lost …
what will become of my life …
yet somewhere through the fog
I see you
Why must you do this?
Were we only another empty illusion,
gone like the sunshine
at the end of a day
only darkness …
It was another “Dave dream” last night. Kind of so nice, comforting and real…Until I woke up. Looked over at the other pillow, Dave isn’t there, he hasn’t been there for over 8 years now.
If any of you are following the blogs, sorry to repeat myself. I lost my husband Dave to cancer and it’s been so unsettling and quite difficult. In my dreams he is with me, off on one of our adventures and it’s all so good. Life sure is strange sometimes, expect the unexpected I’ve learned.
One thing that upset me the other day, was a woman being nasty to her husband at the grocery store. She was about my age, she was busy telling him off left and right. Kind of appalling and disgusting, not to mention pretty darn personal. It was so hard restraining myself from saying something quite outspoken to her. How I would loved to say, “He’s alive, count your blessings and be kind to the poor man. If you dislike him, well get a divorce or whatever!”
It really was irritating to me and I thought back to the times of Dave and I in stores. We always had so much fun, kind of always laughing and finding some way to entertain each other. We weren’t rude to other people or disrespectful in any way, we just had a good time. That poor man getting told off by his wife, I just could imagine what Dave would have to say about that happening.
We both just thought it was a waste of time and space to be around anything or anyone who made you miserable. It really is something I do avoid at all costs still, it’s not worth it. So, in my dreams I have my husband back…Sometimes I would just like to stay there. He is singing to me, laughing with me and he is so incredibly beside me. I miss him very much, still and I know I always will. Of course I can’t stay in my dreams were Dave visits me, I need to reside in real life.
I was chatting with Autumn about this, since Craig (her late fiance and soulmate) visits her dreams quite often, too. She agreed with me and we talked about them both at length. They were both such caring, loving and wonderful men…Why did we each have to go through the torture of losing them? The divine order of things and all that? Probably, but it’s best if we both don’t dwell on it long, but it’s good to talk about Dave and Craig.
Those remarkable men that were ours, we were blessed to have them in our lives of course we were. Sometimes when we’re together and people who don’t know us hear we both lost our soulmates…We kind of get these odd looks. Once Autumn was so annoyed by someone who said,” isn’t that unusual? You are twins and both had the same loss.” Her snappy retort was, “We didn’t kill them off ourselves, honest”. Sorry, maybe you had to be there to appreciate it. Craig and Dave would have gotten a chuckle at it ( and they probably did), their humor was much like ours. It did make us both laugh pretty hard, the guy who said such a thing was quite regretful. Autumn went on to elaborate how that’s what he seemed to be implying, so she had to say it!
Autumn, that twinnie sure is a real hoot to be hanging out with. That girl will always speak her mind whenever and whever, I do too. But she is so much better at it! So, in my dreams and Autumn’s…We meet up with Dave and Craig and we are each accepted an loved just for our own twinnie selves.
No need to wish either of “Sweet Dreams”, don’t worry we will be having plenty of them. 🙂
of broken dreams …
that few smiles …
that last mile
is the worst
and it hurts
not talking …
can’t we try
and the sound
though the empty halls
and shadowed walls
leaving a trail of tears
along with the fear
that the sun is gone