finding your own place
it’s all a part of life
becoming your own person
knowing your own mind,
learning to live
without you … …
It was another “Dave dream” last night. Kind of so nice, comforting and real…Until I woke up. Looked over at the other pillow, Dave isn’t there, he hasn’t been there for over 8 years now.
If any of you are following the blogs, sorry to repeat myself. I lost my husband Dave to cancer and it’s been so unsettling and quite difficult. In my dreams he is with me, off on one of our adventures and it’s all so good. Life sure is strange sometimes, expect the unexpected I’ve learned.
One thing that upset me the other day, was a woman being nasty to her husband at the grocery store. She was about my age, she was busy telling him off left and right. Kind of appalling and disgusting, not to mention pretty darn personal. It was so hard restraining myself from saying something quite outspoken to her. How I would loved to say, “He’s alive, count your blessings and be kind to the poor man. If you dislike him, well get a divorce or whatever!”
It really was irritating to me and I thought back to the times of Dave and I in stores. We always had so much fun, kind of always laughing and finding some way to entertain each other. We weren’t rude to other people or disrespectful in any way, we just had a good time. That poor man getting told off by his wife, I just could imagine what Dave would have to say about that happening.
We both just thought it was a waste of time and space to be around anything or anyone who made you miserable. It really is something I do avoid at all costs still, it’s not worth it. So, in my dreams I have my husband back…Sometimes I would just like to stay there. He is singing to me, laughing with me and he is so incredibly beside me. I miss him very much, still and I know I always will. Of course I can’t stay in my dreams were Dave visits me, I need to reside in real life.
I was chatting with Autumn about this, since Craig (her late fiance and soulmate) visits her dreams quite often, too. She agreed with me and we talked about them both at length. They were both such caring, loving and wonderful men…Why did we each have to go through the torture of losing them? The divine order of things and all that? Probably, but it’s best if we both don’t dwell on it long, but it’s good to talk about Dave and Craig.
Those remarkable men that were ours, we were blessed to have them in our lives of course we were. Sometimes when we’re together and people who don’t know us hear we both lost our soulmates…We kind of get these odd looks. Once Autumn was so annoyed by someone who said,” isn’t that unusual? You are twins and both had the same loss.” Her snappy retort was, “We didn’t kill them off ourselves, honest”. Sorry, maybe you had to be there to appreciate it. Craig and Dave would have gotten a chuckle at it ( and they probably did), their humor was much like ours. It did make us both laugh pretty hard, the guy who said such a thing was quite regretful. Autumn went on to elaborate how that’s what he seemed to be implying, so she had to say it!
Autumn, that twinnie sure is a real hoot to be hanging out with. That girl will always speak her mind whenever and whever, I do too. But she is so much better at it! So, in my dreams and Autumn’s…We meet up with Dave and Craig and we are each accepted an loved just for our own twinnie selves.
No need to wish either of “Sweet Dreams”, don’t worry we will be having plenty of them. 🙂
of broken dreams …
that few smiles …
that last mile
is the worst
and it hurts
not talking …
can’t we try
and the sound
though the empty halls
and shadowed walls
leaving a trail of tears
along with the fear
that the sun is gone
A collage of pictures wander through my mind
moments in time
now when there is no more
you and me
and I am only one
with half of my soul gone
snow falls upon your grave
as the the cold wind chills me,
tears freezing on my face.
And for the final time
I trace your name in the marble
then lean against it’s strength,
as I wait patiently to join you on the other side …
Watching the sun setting in the west
All alone again …
beautiful blazing colours of orange and red …
It makes me feel so small
We are only a tiny grain of sand
In the hourglass of time …
The mysteries of life — the sun always rises
in the east …
So each night, I look to the west
I wonder can you watch the same sunset?
I remember all you taught me – take one day at a time
and take nothing for granted
find one thing each day that makes you happy…
Most of all – find a peaceful time
forget all the pain – the uncertainty of life
freeze that one instant to remember forever
and I do …