Only in my Dreams.. ~written by Gabrielle Angel


It was another “Dave dream” last night. Kind of so nice, comforting and real…Until I woke up. Looked over at the other pillow, Dave isn’t there, he hasn’t been there for over 8 years now.

If any of you are following the blogs, sorry to repeat myself. I lost my husband Dave to cancer and it’s been so unsettling and quite difficult. In my dreams he is with me, off on one of our adventures and it’s all so good. Life sure is strange sometimes, expect the unexpected I’ve learned.

One thing that upset me the other day, was a woman being nasty to her husband at the grocery store. She was about my age, she was busy telling him off left and right. Kind of appalling and disgusting, not to mention pretty darn personal. It was so hard restraining myself from saying something quite outspoken to her. How I would loved to say, “He’s alive, count your blessings and be kind to the poor man. If you dislike him, well get a divorce or whatever!”

It really was irritating to me and I thought back to the times of Dave and I in stores. We always had so much fun, kind of always laughing and finding some way to entertain each other. We weren’t rude to other people or disrespectful in any way, we just had a good time. That poor man getting told off by his wife, I just could imagine what Dave would have to say about that happening.

We both just thought it was a waste of time and space to be around anything or anyone who made you miserable. It really is something I do avoid at all costs still, it’s not worth it. So, in my dreams I have my husband back…Sometimes I would just like to stay there. He is singing to me, laughing with me and he is so incredibly beside me. I miss him very much, still and I know I always will. Of course I can’t stay in my dreams were Dave visits me, I need to reside in real life.

I was chatting with Autumn about this, since Craig (her late fiance and soulmate) visits her dreams quite often, too. She agreed with me and we talked about them both at length. They were both such caring, loving and wonderful men…Why did we each have to go through the torture of losing them? The divine order of things and all that? Probably, but it’s best if we both don’t dwell on it long, but it’s good to talk about Dave and Craig.

Those remarkable men that were ours, we were blessed to have them in our lives of course we were. Sometimes when we’re together and people who don’t know us hear we both lost our soulmates…We kind of get these odd looks. Once Autumn was so annoyed by someone who said,” isn’t that unusual? You are twins and both had the same loss.” Her snappy retort was, “We didn’t kill them off ourselves, honest”. Sorry, maybe you had to be there to appreciate it. Craig and Dave would have gotten a chuckle at it ( and they probably did), their humor was much like ours. It did make us both laugh pretty hard, the guy who said such a thing was quite regretful. Autumn went on to elaborate how that’s what he seemed to be implying, so she had to say it!

Autumn, that twinnie sure is a real hoot to be hanging out with. That girl will always speak her mind whenever and whever, I do too. But she is so much better at it! So, in my dreams and Autumn’s…We meet up with Dave and Craig and we are each accepted an loved just for our own twinnie selves.

No need to wish either of “Sweet Dreams”, don’t worry we will be having plenty of them. 🙂

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Craig – in loving memory of “us” ~by Autumn Sunshine


Craig – in loving memory of “us”

You are in my dreams

and you feel so real

I wake up and look around,

but as always

you are not here …

I love you, I miss you

and I need you …

It hurts, cuts like a very sharp knife …

Why did I believe that one day

we would be married

live happily ever after …

In our next life

maybe?

Or will you return to me

in my dreams over and over

Until I meet you on the other side …

A LOVE LIKE OURS CAN SURVIVE DEATH — AND IT HAS

Quotes, When love ends~by Autumn Sunshine


On when love ends…

“I’m smiling … don’t look too close or you’ll see the tears”

“I’m surviving … what you destroyed within my soul, I am rebuilding”

“It’s so easy … no one notices as I fade away into the shadows of doubt”

“Laughing at life … the joke is on you … I win, because you lost”

“Love is not supposed to hurt … so you and I are not LOVE”

“My walls are higher now … somehow I will close this chapter and turn the page”

“Save my soul you said, I just looked at you and laughed, you have no soul”

“Strange, I actually like you again … our dance with destiny ended … yet we are friends”

“Take one last look if you want to … I’m gone, you never deserved even one tenth of the love I gave you

“You made me smile … now the tides have turned … I’ve learned”

“Your silence tells me more than your words ever did”

A Special Candy Dish~Written by Gabby Angel


I was reaching for one of my favorite’s, a butterscotch hard candy, when so many happy thoughts came rushing to my mind. The special candy dish my stash of buttercotch sits in was handed down to me. Technically an antique now, it really is and I have taken good care of it over the years. The Great-Aunt who owned this was Mom’s Aunt, our Nana’s sister, Aunt Alice. I remember her so clearly, although she left for Heaven way too young.

Autumn and I were only about six years old when she left this earth, but I remember her well. Sometimes my memory that is clear and goes back to 18 months old is quite the blessing. What a special and much loved Great Aunt she was, going to visit her was always a joy. She only lived a couple blocks away, in between our house and our Nana’s. This candy dish always held butterscotch hard candies by Aunt Alice, I carry on the tradition of course.

Those memories of our special people are the best, it’s like having them with us in a way. I have kept this candy dish nice and safe, the times I’ve moved this was so specially and carefully wrapped. I really do treasure the memories of Aunt Alice, she was such a sweet person and her sense of humor was amazing. We laughed a lot when in her company. Although she wasn’t our Nana’s twin, they looked so much alike and their behavior was very similiar. They both thought Autumn and I just so intriguing and loved us spoiling us to no end. In a way it was sometimes like having two Nana’s, and that was a very cool and awesome thing actually.

Anyway, when visiting Aunt Alice she made sure there was always butterscotch candies in this special candy dish. It started an early love of butterscotch for me and the “Aunt Alice” vibes still to this day every time I taste butterscotch. She was a nurse our Aunt Alice, a very nuturing, loving woman. She was so very patient with Autumn and I she would play different board games with us, like Candy Land and always making us laugh.

Another really nice memory I have is, she would also give us tea and other drinks in the coolest little teacups. Aunt Alice just knew what made us little girl twinnies feel special. Like I said she left this earth way too early and much too young, but having such fond, wonderful and good memories helps to keep her close.

I picture her hanging out with our Nana and checking in on Autumn and I, watching us throughout the years. Having her special candy dish is an honor, I will treasure it and keep it safe as long as it’s my care. Of course also making sure to keep it stocked up with those delicious butterscotch hard candies! 🙂

Another Day~By Autumn Sunshine~Poem


Another day

another way

to find to stay

somewhat sane

too much pain

and too much rain

again…

I forget sometimes

and look for you

don’t know why I do

the other side

is only a whisper away

not today

I feel betrayed

Death tries to win…….

I remember you and me

and we were free

and our happy life

never got to be your wife

so I stand alone tonight

in the moonlight

and I remember……

 

Craig~death will never win~meet you on the other side, babe

Quotes~written by Autumn Sunshine


On finding new love …

“Ages and stages….and finally there is You …”

“He is everything you are not … He has found my soul”

“Hello … you are the dream I never stopped believing in”

“I am and you are – US – having a new beginning …”

“I never gave up, so I am learning … patience pays off”

“I want to love you perfectly, I will … I’m magic”

“Listen to the music … dance with me and let’s just ‘feel'”

“Take me with you … don’t go without me”

“What were the odds, I wonder? We got lucky …”

“Where were you when I was sixteen? Hmmmm …oh right, waiting for me to grow up”

“Which way does the wind blow … this time it was kind to both of us …”

“You are the answer to my question…feels like I knew you for always…”

“You call me Sunshine … and touch my heart with your caring …”

“You have my heart; I trust you with my life, after all …”

“You were out there and I was here … now we are Us …”

Goodbye doesn’t mean Forever


Never say never

You never know so don’t say goodbye, it’s not always forever.  I like to say “later”… even if someone dies it doesn’t have to be that they are gone from us for always. We have memories, we have “the great hereafter” we have or we should have hope.

So it’s how I live these days.  I hold on to the hope that it’s not a forever goodbye.

I guess you could say I have lost many people I have loved, quite a few to death, my Dad, my late fiance, Craig he died from a brain aneurysm and that was sudden.  I think losing a loved one or “the love of your life” to death is not final, it’s just not! I refuse to believe it’s final.

Not forever

Keeping  a positive attitude helps 🙂 which is soooo easy to say, but it’s not easy, it’s really very difficult.  So I just think of it as another challenge. Hmmm… I know, that makes is sound better 😉

I remember a line from a song, “nothing lasts forever but the Earth and Sky… a song by Kansas, the song is called “Dust in the Wind“.

The Other song

Here are the lyrics for the other song, it’s Called “The Goodbye Girl”  I am not the goodbye girl, I won’t say goodbye, never, ever!!!!


Goodbye Girl

All your life you’ve waited for love to come and stay
And now that I have found you, you must not slip away
I know it’s hard believin’ the words you’ve heard before
But darlin’ you must trust them just once more… ’cause baby
Goodbye doesn’t mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn’t mean
We’ll never be together again
If you wake up and I’m not there, I won’t be long away
’cause the things you do my goodbye girl
Will bring me back toyou.
I know you’ve been taken, afraid to hurt again You fight the love you feel for me instead of givin’ in But I can wait forever, a-helpin’ you to see That I was meant for you and you for me…so rememberGoodbye doesn’t mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn’t mean
We’ll never be together again
Though we may be so far apart you still will have my heart
So forget your past my goodbye girl
’cause now you’re home at last.

Later

Never goodbye … just try and switch to saying “Later”… it’s easy 🙂