My Dreams are Alive…

This is another one dedicated to my dreaming. I should clarify, I mean the dreams I have while sleeping. Of course I have daydreams and also the kind of dream we have about goals, life and all. Another title that needed explanation, seems I could be getting very well-known for strange titles alone! Well, it seems sometimes my dreams are so alive with Dave. Yes, that would be my late husband that I’ve written many other posts about. Evil cancer stepped in way to soon, but the divine order of things shouldn’t be questioned. Well we can question it but it really is how it’s supposed to have happened. Another thing, it can’t be changed…So acceptance is also good.

I can’t help myself, the writing about Dave I mean. These dreams and happenings they all really do have messages and meanings. I hope in sharing that somebody will perhaps take something positive, insightful and all from these posts. I don’t write about Dave to be sad, or to try to make others sad and I truly mean that with all my heart. Like the post I wrote in the last week or so about how I found the note/poem/message in one of Dave’s books. That was so much a real amazing find…But I was supposed to find it at that time.

I feel I am very blessed to have the amount of dreams about Dave that I do get. I love that we are having these wonderful and just amazing good chats, one of those was last night. Some people tell me they never dream of loved ones on the other side or Heaven, I seriously thought everyone did. Turns out some of my family and friends don’t get these dreams. So I just have to ask… Do any of you? Well, kind readers… anyone want to give that question some thought? I know, it is personal but my curiosity is working overtime about this matter. So forgive me if that question is too much.

Anyway, back to my latest Dave dream I will go! We talked of how I am coming along in life, how we missed each other and the being together here on earth. He sang me songs, strumming his guitar as always and I sang along with some of the songs. We had a fun time dancing, too… A piano with a piano player appeared just for us! Then, Dave and I had a nice walk along a beach, his hand was so strong in mine. We chatted about this and that, it was so beautiful and it felt very real. I remember saying to Dave I didn’t want to go back, because he told me it was time for me to wake up. Well, we said our goodbyes and wake up I did. I felt well rested, too but my memories of that dream stayed with me all day…I just felt happy all day long. There was a gentle calmness about my day, it’s hard to explain or put into words. It’s how it always is when I have the dreams of Dave.

I have to ask you kind readers the same thing I keep asking myself…Are they “just dreams” or are they real? I think they are real, that some nights I fall asleep and wander off with Dave. Maybe it’s what happens in cases like ours and I really am very blessed.

Messages of Love, Heaven Sent…

I was browsing through this one book of Dave’s, I hadn’t looked at this particular book since he’s been gone. I know, many of you kind readers know I lost my husband Dave to evil cancer. So, I won’t go into details here and this is a happy thing I found…So why make anyone sad?

Anyway, there I was looking through a book of Dave’s and checking out a certain chapter…What is this piece of paper? It was a little note with a poem he had written for me, while reading this book! That is really and truly like a wonderful gift being handed to me. I had read and listened to everything he had left for me almost 9 years ago. I still do as a matter of fact, from time to time. He has been in Heaven almost 9 years now.. It will be exactly 9 years on May 30th.

We recorded lots of things and he also left me special notes and some thoughts and feelings, too. But this one was a new discovery for me…Why I hadn’t opened this particular book sooner? Well, because I wasn’t supposed to! It was meant for today…I had been thinking of him, missing Dave today more than the usual. So this message from him…A love message kind of heaven-sent! Wow, Yay and what a blessing…it didn’t make me cry, I smiled and even laughed.

Dave had a wonderful sense of humor and also was always writing cute little notes here and there. Usually I found them quickly, they were usually in plain sight. I did the same thing for him, we were just kind of still romantic and things even after being together all those years. We just didn’t take each for granted, because after all…Love doesn’t do that. Kind of nice, I wish that kind of love for everybody. If you have it, treasure it each and every day remind yourselves how blessed you are. I was blessed in so many ways…it’s why I highly doubt I will ever love again. Nobody will ever come close to Dave and our whole love we shared together.

Strange thing, this divine order of things and I try hard not to question it. I will be meeting up with Dave again on the other side when it’s time and that’s that. What do I do? Many things, try to make the most and best out of my own life…It isn’t the same as it would be if Dave was still physically present of course. My soul mate and I just got separated a bit too early for me, anyway. But time passes by so swiftly, it really does…A thought to ponder isn’t it? I am not planning to search madly for any more notes, those messages of love. Nope, I have a feeling they will show up just when they are supposed to. 🙂

Angel ornaments and Dave… ~Gabby Angel

I got out my ornaments today, in hopes of getting my Christmas tree decorated. Doing kind of OK until I opened one box. There they were, the lovely silver angel ornaments my husband Dave had gotten for me. It was in 2001, he died May 30th of 2003.

There are a half dozen beauful angels, very unusal and I loved them upon first sight. He got to enjoy them with me for two Christmases…That’s a happy memory. Big mistake on trying for the tree being decorated today, it’s exactly 8 & 1/2 years to the day I lost him to that evil beast cancer.

I try not to pay attention to the 30th of every month, but I usually fail. That may sound rather strange to some people. It’s just the way I am, I make no apologizes for my feelings about Dave to anyone. Anyway, these angel ornaments…Just looking at them reduced me to tears again. The tears dripped onto the angels making me feel even worse. Such a beautiful and loving gift, I feel guilty because Dave doesn’t want me to be sad. I miss him… he was my husband, soulmate and to be taken so young.

It is more difficult at the holidays…It always is, sadly I never quite get used to that. I ended up putting all my ornaments away, maybe tomorrow I will be able to decorate the tree. Maybe tomorrow…I will feel stronger. Maybe tomorrow I won’t cry. Maybe the angel ornaments will work their magic and I can smile. Some days are just more difficult than others. Anyone reading Autumn’s and my blog, you must realize I am an optimistic person.I strive to somehow reach for the upside, the positive. To find a degree of happiness and joy every single day I am alive.Unless you have felt my loss, which I wish on nobody…I suppose it’s hard to understand.

I will round up my twinnie to help me decorate the tree. Autumn will help me make it more joyful, perhaps we will find things to laugh about. We can hang those angel ornaments up together. She is my twin sister, I am blessed…I never take that for granted, never. She knows how I am feeling and helps me as she has been doing since Dave was diagnosed in 1998. Thank you twinnie, for always being there for me…I love you, TF <3=Twins Forever.

A Picture and the Memories… ~BY Gabby Angel

I was looking at one of my favorite pictures of my husband Dave last night. Any of you kind readers following my twin sister Autumn’s and my blog are aware, I lost Dave to cancer. He’s been gone over 8 years now, I miss him like crazy every day. About this picture, it’s of Dave smiling as he was singing and playing his acoustic guitar. He kept singing, as I snapped that particular picture.

I remember the evening he was singing this song to me so very well. I can close my eyes and conjure up the memories so easily, I feel am quite fortunate that way. The song, Joe Cocker‘s “You are So Beautiful to Me“, a beautiful song, a beautiful memory.

Dave sang so many, many times and so many, many songs to me…I miss that so very much. Recordings I have of him singing are wonderful, but not quite the same. Looking at this picture of Dave last night just made me cry, kept me crying for quite the spell. I finally got a grip, and finally stopped…It was because I could almost hear his voice. That’s how well connected we were, I could almost hear him saying….Please don’t cry sweetheart, I am always with you. He is of course, because he promised he would be…As often as Heaven allowed anyway.

I got to remembering so many things about Dave and me, our time together and our first meeting when we were 16 years old. He came roaring into my life in a mustang. That’s a long story that I will save for another time. I got to remembering silly and happy times throughout our years together.

One of my favorite memories was the proposal night. Others were just odds and ends of other thoughts and memories. I have to share the night he proposed. Very romantic it was, Dave really did propose to me on bended knee. After the beautiful wildflowers (they are my favorite) and the candlelight dinner, which he had made by the way. Dave had learned to cook at a pretty young age, so it really was a lovely dinner.

That man had already won my heart right from the beginning, just as he said I had won his.Dave and I were blessed in many ways, I keep trying to remember this fact. Some days or nights are just more difficult than others. Next to this picture of Dave on my wall, I have a set of his drumsticks hanging. I took them down and held them, that was comforting to me. It made me smile, he loved playing his drums and I pictured an early memory. Dave was in one of his first bands. He was rocking it out, behind those set of drums and singing his heart out. These are the times I want to remember…Dave and his music. I fell asleep listening to him singing ( a recording of course)…I had very happy dreams.

My Husband Dave…His Memory Lives On~Written by Gabby

Memories

Autumn has encouraged me to write this and share the story of my husband Dave. So I am taking her advice and writing about my wonderful husband. This has needed writing for quite some time, honestly. Dave’s memory will live on, I will make sure it does. Dave has so very much been on my mind, more than the usual I mean.

About my husband, Dave was and will forever be my soulmate. My sweet Dave, and my once in a lifetime love. Sadly, I lost him to cancer eight years ago on May 30th of this year. To me it seems more like eight minutes ago most of the time . They say time heals, but I’m sorry they are wrong because it doesn’t.

Does anyone have the perfect love story? Probably not, because none of us as human being are perfect. I would just have to say ours was as perfect as it gets … For me, anyway.

The Diagnosis

Dave was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (bone marrow cancer) on June 3rd of 1998, the day that started changing my entire world forever. If anyone is following the blogs here, then you may heard Autumn and I speaking about our Dad, also who passed away from Multiple Myeloma. It’s not a made up story, it’s real…They passed away exactly 40 days apart from this same evil cancer. Dad being the 40 days after Dave. I also miss my Dad every day of my life, this cancer robbed me of the two most important men in my life. I don’t think Dad would mind if I center the rest of this post on Dave, he is no doubt giving me a thumbs up as I write.

Dave

Well, Dave was so incredibly strong and a very special man in so many ways. He walked into my life when we were both rather young, and he never left. Dave was an educator, a carpenter, a musician…All in one package. His sense of humor was amazing, we laughed quite a lot and often.We brought out the very best in each other, we were just simply meant to be. The musical part of him, well that was just plain magic… A real God given talent.

Dave had a wonderful voice… He so often sang to me, sometimes I would fall asleep to the sound of his voice. He played drums, guitar and piano. While in bands he was always the drummer, he just was outstanding.

We both shared this love of music so very much. Dave also was the bringer of surprises, sometimes wild flowers, chocolate and other assorted things…Just because. We didn’t limit our gifts to each other for only birthdays (which were only 5 days apart) and holidays. He used to joke about being very old people and still having a blast and rocking it out. Also, he had conjured up a story of how we could exit this life in the same instant. That way neither of us would ever suffer without the other one, we were just too joined that way. Too bad that story didn’t go as planned.

Dave was a romantic, to the very core. To the outside world he just appeared a very happy guy who loved his wife and was clearly loved in return. Dave called me his angel, well I thought he was mine. He had such a gift for making every day we shared an adventure, he really did. One of the last memories of us while Dave was still healthy…Romping around a large amusement park. It was so much fun, we acted like young kids and just lived that day to the fullest. I’m sure we also made tons of people look twice, wondering who were these two crazy people? Racing from ride to ride and laughing loud and long. So many, many memories and that is my blessing because most of them are happy.

Love that transcends time

When he was diagnosed, we joined forces to beat this evil beast and kept fighting hard. Yet, we lost. And I continue going on… because I promised Dave I would. I am not saying it’s easy, I would clearly be lying if I said that. In speaking with Dave’s cousin Emily, she said something quite profound. Her words to me “You and Dave just had and still have such a love, it transcends time.” I think she’s right, we had pure magic together and so much love.

Each and every day is a challenge, but time goes by very quickly and I will meet up with Dave on the other side. For those of you blessed to have found love, hold on tightly and treat it kindly, please.