I Just Don’t Exactly Fit In…

I know, what a title again, but I will explain kind readers…Don’t I always? The title I wanted was just far too long, so I settled on this one. I have a reputation to maintain for my odd and sometimes puzzling titles to my posts! 😉 Anyway, “I Just Don’t Exactly Fit In at the Nice Mechanic’s Garage Who Looks After My Car” is a bit long wouldn’t you say? Sixteen words in a title, I really think not so this one with the Six words worked out the best.

Anyway, it’s so true upon picking up my car at the garage today I felt like I was in another world. My mechanic is wonderful, but at the end of the day there is usually a couple of guys (at the very least) hanging out in the office part. So, there I am this strange situation, with the guys chatting to me. They want me to feel welcomed, not left out of their secret club I guess. Those garages have that sort of thing going on, and being a girly sort of girl I am just so not hip to this car lingo.

I did understand the changing the oil thing and oh, never mind because I forget the rest. General needed maintenance and all, these are the times I just wish Dave was here to take care of it all. I know, he’s in Heaven and is not able to do such things and he trusts the nice mechanic/garage owner. I thankfully do have a mechanic I can trust and it is fine with me, I just want to nicely make it short and sweet. You know, pick up my car and get out pretty quickly…Those places reek of car smells! You know what I mean and I do believe I hear a few guys reading this just laughing like crazy, too. I can’t blame you at all, because it is laughable and kind of pitiful at the same time.

Anyway, I picked up my car earlier and just felt the need to write this post…Well, because I love to share! 🙂 Autumn is a bit more knowledge than I am about the car stuff, but not a lot…So she is definitely with me with this one. The sweet Twinnie did teach me how to pump gas 9 years ago, that was lovely and kind of liberating. I’m wondering how many of you girl readers can identify with me, or are you one of those girls who learned the car lingo? Whichever one, please do feel free to jump in with a comment and you guys can, too…Just be nice! 😉 🙂

Memories of My Grandparent’s House… ~ by Gabby Angel

Driving by the place where my paternal grandparent’s house once stood…So many memories came flooding back. I was used to seeing the huge empty space where the house stood for so many years. The house had been sold, both grandparents are gone and in Heaven now. The beautiful house and land was sold to a seemingly normal couple, until they decided to separate. Then, unfortunately the husband decided to torch the house. Rather than haggle over ownership, that was his not too wise and drunken decision.It was truly heartbreaking to see the empty shell of what was left of the house.

So, for several years the land has been vacant. But driving by today, I noticed a foundation was laid and a house was being built! I hope it’s a nice family and that they are happy, loving people. The land itself is just so welcoming and holds wonderful memories…It calls for people who love life and each other. I remember so many times when Autumn and I walked the greenhouses, hotbeds and all with our Grandpa.

He had such a magic touch with plants of any kind and also flowers. He was well known in our area for the best of produce, he just growing things and it was how he made his living. Nobody ever knew what he did to grow such things…He had a secret ingedient and he never divulged what it was! We twinnies loved hanging out with him, he was just very special and such fun. We were his bambinos and of course we could do no wrong in his eyes.

Our grandparents were both Italian, they were our Dad’s parents…Oh my goodness did they love lots of family around, a good party and happy times had by all.Our Grandma loved to cook up a storm, creating her own magic and sharing her food made with love. So many memories of outside parties and picnics, good food, great music and just an awesome time. The whole area surrounding the house was filled some relatives lived and neighbors who were like family, too. I just know Autumn and I have happy fun-filled memories and we will be watching.

The family who is taking ownership, they need to treat it with the love and care it calls for. I don’t know why… But I have a good feeling they will be. Something just tells me those Grandparents of ours are watching closely from Heaven and approved this family!

A Picture and the Memories… ~BY Gabby Angel

I was looking at one of my favorite pictures of my husband Dave last night. Any of you kind readers following my twin sister Autumn’s and my blog are aware, I lost Dave to cancer. He’s been gone over 8 years now, I miss him like crazy every day. About this picture, it’s of Dave smiling as he was singing and playing his acoustic guitar. He kept singing, as I snapped that particular picture.

I remember the evening he was singing this song to me so very well. I can close my eyes and conjure up the memories so easily, I feel am quite fortunate that way. The song, Joe Cocker‘s “You are So Beautiful to Me“, a beautiful song, a beautiful memory.

Dave sang so many, many times and so many, many songs to me…I miss that so very much. Recordings I have of him singing are wonderful, but not quite the same. Looking at this picture of Dave last night just made me cry, kept me crying for quite the spell. I finally got a grip, and finally stopped…It was because I could almost hear his voice. That’s how well connected we were, I could almost hear him saying….Please don’t cry sweetheart, I am always with you. He is of course, because he promised he would be…As often as Heaven allowed anyway.

I got to remembering so many things about Dave and me, our time together and our first meeting when we were 16 years old. He came roaring into my life in a mustang. That’s a long story that I will save for another time. I got to remembering silly and happy times throughout our years together.

One of my favorite memories was the proposal night. Others were just odds and ends of other thoughts and memories. I have to share the night he proposed. Very romantic it was, Dave really did propose to me on bended knee. After the beautiful wildflowers (they are my favorite) and the candlelight dinner, which he had made by the way. Dave had learned to cook at a pretty young age, so it really was a lovely dinner.

That man had already won my heart right from the beginning, just as he said I had won his.Dave and I were blessed in many ways, I keep trying to remember this fact. Some days or nights are just more difficult than others. Next to this picture of Dave on my wall, I have a set of his drumsticks hanging. I took them down and held them, that was comforting to me. It made me smile, he loved playing his drums and I pictured an early memory. Dave was in one of his first bands. He was rocking it out, behind those set of drums and singing his heart out. These are the times I want to remember…Dave and his music. I fell asleep listening to him singing ( a recording of course)…I had very happy dreams.

Sending Messages in a Bottle…BY Gabrielle Angel

I haven’t tossed a message in a bottle out to sea for a couple years now. That is a strange statement to make, isn’t it? I may have snagged a few people’s attention with that one.

Actually we don’t have a sea in PA, so I should have said River instead perhaps. One thing I did do was write them…Messages in a bottle. To Dave, it was a rather unusual pasttime of mine there for awhile. It sure did make a few family members and friends frown and kind of worry. One of the many odd things I did after he left this earth. Or is it odd? I suppose we all do what we must at the time.

I had read the Nicholas Sparks book “Message In a Bottle” and also saw the movie in 1999. Of course so did Autumn, we are both Nicholas Sparks fans. There are about 40 quotes in that movie, for real. Of course Autumn knew that fact! My writing the messages to Dave was better than writing in a journal. Although I did that, too.

It had been a joke Dave started actually, “After I’m gone send me messages in a bottle“. We had some very off the wall chats Dave and I, he had a quirky sense of humor and so do I. In so many ways, we made jokes and laughed when other people did the doom and gloom thing. I am in no way making light of losing him to cancer. I love him and miss him every day of my life. Both of us really had very high hopes he would beat the evil cancer quite honestly.

There is a song “Message in a Bottle” by The Police from 1979, too. Do you know there are shops all over the place, lots and lots of them. They are called Message in a Bottle Shops, so the trend has been popular for quite some time. People are using this as a wedding theme, and others are sending them to friends, family and loved ones. They are being given for birthdays, an anniversary, Valentine Day, Get Well and so many other occasions. That was kind of interesting to discover this fact. Who would have guessed?

I remember as kids Dad let Autumn and I toss a message in a bottle into our beloved Pine Creek. Dad and Mom really did let us twinnies do some fun things.

Does anyone reading this have any message in the bottle stories? Care to share them? I would love to know if anyone has ever done this. This whole thought and memory is one I was remembering earlier when thinking of Dave. Of course I do that so often, think of Dave probably hundreds of times a day. Is that normal or healthy? I don’t know, it doesn’t really matter to me. We all do what we do, and anyway I never did claim to “do normal”. Either does Autumn, thank goodnessbecause the twinnies need this in common. Dave’s in Heaven, no doubt laughing like crazy about me telling this particular story of mine. I stopped writing the messages in a bottle to Dave, like I said about 2 years ago.

Hey, maybe it’s time to write another one?

It is Love Not Reason… BY Gabrielle Angel

That is Stronger Than Death. It’s a quote by Thomas Mann. It says a lot that quote, it became one of my favorites about 8 years ago. “It is Love Not Reason That is Stronger Than Death”.

I really wasn’t going out of my way to be morbid, honestly I wasn’t. That isn’t what this quote means to me anyway. Actually my twin sister, Autumn the “Queen of Quotes” (she really is) came across this one. Where and why, because she had this quote fall right into her lap so to speak, and because she wanted me to have a quote that made sense. You know my own quote that worked for me somehow.

That was a rough time for me 8 years ago, losing my husband Dave to that evil and dreaded enemy cancer. I wrote a blog a month ago or so about Dave, it’s good to get those emotions out. The devastation of his death, I wasn’t coping at all well with it, I really wasn’t. It was all a blurry scene for me, first Dave taken by multiple myeloma, then Dad 40 days later of the same cancer. Just kind of beginning to grieve for my husband and then Dad was gone, I thank God I stayed sane. Although there were many times I wondered, was I really? I feel I mostly drifted through, being kind of lost and doing things by automatic reflex, you know what I’m saying?

Talking helped so much, I was blessed with so many people all around me. The family and of course Autumn and also Craig were truly wonderful, friends and other relatives. I talked a lot, I cried a lot. Being such a walking wreck, nothing seemed real. My thought is how can you be anything else when your heart is broken? It was during this hazy time, the sense of unreality still rolling when Dad and Mom went to a doctor’s appointment.The next thing we knew Dad was admitted to the hospital. He, like Dave was experiencing hepatatic failure. (That’s liver failure in case not everyone knows that medical term).Double whammy nightmare…I knew the ending well.

Lots of praying and ever so grateful for my strong faith, I got through it. So did Mom, Autumn, our sisters and the tons relatives and friends. This is just really not meant to be a sad and gloomy blog, really it isn’t.

I think the story and the reality I am writing is the strength we all possess deep inside. The love we have and the belief that Dad and Dave are in Heaven. We will be catching up with them there on the other side, they are happy and well now, no more pain. They both want us to be happy, too. As best we can anyway, know what I mean? Sadly Craig has joined them, but they are watching and cheering us on.

Try and make something good out of this time we all have left on this earth is the message. I just know it is possible to still laugh, still partcipate in life. It doesn’t mean any of us will be picking out another mate necessarily. Speaking for myself, I know I won’t be and that is the divine order of things I do believe. Mom…Well, very, very highly unlikely. Autumn, perhaps? Only time will tell on this one.The three of us are different, after all. It certainly doesn’t mean she loved Craig any less.

The quote Autumn had given me applied to Dave and my never ending love for him. It still goes on and maybe in a sense Mom and Autumn share the quote now, too. Loving our men and knowing they will be waiting, right there in Heaven. They are alive in our thoughts, minds and our hearts and we have them popping into our dreams every so often for those visits. A lot of wonderful memories, too. It’s a good quote, I like it and it works for me.